Avignon was quite a nice city in my memories, but perhaps I did not go just after the Drama Festival, like we did this year...

The first thing you see when you arrive in this city, are the battlements all around it, like some kind of giant stone belt, adorned with huge stone towers :

Big fellas, aren't they ? From the top you could easily throw bunches of pointy and sharp arrows and spears and...big stones at would-be attackers. What was cool and a bit of a laugh was also pouring some big cauldrons full of boiling oil on the ugly heads of the would-be rapers and killers gathered under the walls. Really hilarious, and if you were hungry enough after going under siege for months, you just had to send whale-spear kind of spears on the cooked bodies, and have a nice dinner of corpses.

Well, they knew how to have fun in medieval times !

Once upon a time, the Popes in Rome did such horrible things that they were expelled from the Holy City and sent to Africa. Even God, in His Holy Patience and Infinite Benevolence at Man's never-tiring bad jokes was pissed off.

But the lazy bastards just thought Africa was too dangerous, with cannibals and tigers and snakes and whatnots, so they decided they could find another nice city in the South of France, say, and settle there to keep on doing horrible mischiefs, because they were so bored. And also, nobody there knew them yet.

Hence they chose Avignon, and had this nice Palace built :

As they did not have much to do, they thought it would be terrific to do a bit of odd jobs, and they built these nice shady white parasols, on which they took a shitload of royalties. But the thingswere so Pope-ular, that they are still on sale at the moment, as you can see.

They were everybody's favourites, because in Avignon, it is so fucking hot that fishes boil in rivers, when they have not dried out yet.

Also, the Popes of these times were very good in astronautics, and they even made some kind of stone rockets. You can see them right behind the parasols. The problem was how to make them move, but as they did not have to think about space travels yet, they just pretended they would be effective after Copernic and Galileo had proved that Earth was just a planet among others.

They were used to that kind of illogical thinking, after all. Didn't they also pretend that God existed but you would only meet Him when you were dead, proving at the same time that He was also dead and therefore not existing ? Catholic faith, as I have already stated in another post, the one about Le Puy-en-Velay, I think, is the most comic of all religions, so much bullshit does it throw at people's faces !

Now, you wanna see churchy buildings ? Here is a good one :

This one is just like the Statue of Eros in Picadilly Square, London, England, Europe, the Universe. Except it is one of a woman, probably somebody saintly, like Mother Mary, or something, who can reproduce using parthenogenesis, which is a big word for something that just exist for species like snails, who are hermaphrodite, meaning both male and female. Or some shit like that.

Yeah, it is a golden statue. Probably solid gold, and if you want to climb the tower to steal it, there is an electrical system designed to fry you out and keep your body glued on the rooftop, so that it can provide food for the homeless crows and other shitty birds. Serves you right, you nasty thief and church desecrator !

Now, in Avignon, people are really poor. They have not got enough money to build entire bridges, meaning a bridge that starts on one bank of the river and reaches the other, as all ordinary bridges are meant to do. Avignon's main bridge cost too much money, so people stopped paying for it and it has become so famous that a traidtional song has been written about it, about dancing on it, or some likewise bullshit. I tried to do that with my taxes, not dancing, but paying just half of them,  but the fuckin' tax collector told me very politiely that, after checking, I had to pay the second, too. WTF, dude ?  He also managed to make me pay a third half, because I was a kind of thief, he said, and had to be punished to teach me what the law is.

I had a voodoo doll made to look just like him, and I have been tormenting him for years, sticking pins into it and burn bits of it, too, sometimes.  But look at this stupid bridge :

I could say many more thing about Avignon, how smelly this town is in summer and during the other seasons, probably, or how rude the bar waiters are, not minding you for lots of seconds and answer your order with a kind of displeasing patronizing fuckin' southern shit moronic accent, like the true witless bastards they are, but that would make them too much of a favour, and I am a bit tired.

So just have a look at the photos and imagine the rest.